John and Lisa first address married people in their audience who may feel this episode’s topic is irrelevant to them. They encourage them to listen and take note in order to help connect and nurture single people in their church communities.
Lisa starts: “If you’re a married person, the goal of this series is for you to understand how to include and welcome singles into the church family.”
John and Lisa describe the unintentional harm married couples can do to singles who feel out of place, or receive messages constantly referring to fixing their singleness. They assert that singleness is not a problem to be solved.
They first dive into discussion around single people who have no interest in being married. They reference their single female friend Roseland. She’s an international speaker who powerfully leads a growing ministry in Italy and has planted over 200 churches.
Lisa goes on to say: “She [Roseland] has no desire to be married and I remember when I met her for the first time as well in Milan she just explained to me that Jesus was like, ‘Hey, I’ve called you to this season of singleness because that is your effectiveness.’ “
John notes how Roseland is prepared to be single for the rest of her life and is happy about it. He says spending time together with her and their family did not feel awkward—like her husband was missing.
Next, the couple moves on to tackle myths about single people who desire to be married but believe marriage will fix their issues.
Lisa notes: “The lie is ‘you complete me.’ You are not complete in another person, you are complete in Christ. You never want to give people that power.”
John adds an example of people who expected their loneliness to disappear after marriage: “Some of the most miserable people I’ve met in the church are people that thought that marriage would fix their loneliness and they got married and they were more lonely.”
John and Lisa discuss how crucial it is to be completely content in Christ while single. This way you can enter a marriage with a healthy foundation and avoid putting undue pressure on your spouse.
In reference to being content in Christ Lisa says: “It’s a human thing, not a single or married thing.”
The couple then jumps to discuss the leading causes of divorce in the US: Poor communication, financial troubles and pornography.
John goes on to reference his personal battle with pornography early on in their marriage. He thought marriage would fix that issue but in reality, it only amplified his issues.
“The thing that is so terrible is the shame that comes with it. And that shame just keeps beating you down and down and down. You feel more distance from God.”
John then affirms the truth of what God’s perspective in the battle. “He’s not kicking you out, He’s not pushing you away but God says your sins have separated you from me and so I just want to say that God wants you free and God wants you back into a healthy relationship with Him and with others.”
After, John and Lisa address the myth that you have to find a spouse in order to have kids. John notes there are many paths to parenthood including adoption, fostering, visiting orphanages—even spiritual children like Timothy is to Paul.
To close out, the couple walks through the path towards conquering sin in your life whether single or married.
The lie is “you complete me.” You are not complete in another person, you are complete in Christ. You never want to give people that power.
He reads from Colossians 3:3-7: “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.”
John then explicates the purpose of this passage. That God wants us to daily put our sins to death and that takes intentional effort.
He notes, “You can’t put something to death by saying, ‘I’m not gonna think about it.’ You have to replace it with the word of God. You have to replace it with fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit.”
Lisa concludes the segment with an encouragement to single people to go on an intentional path of growth now.
“It’s a personal responsibility and not the responsibility of your husband or wife… We want to say to single friends ‘go after this place of growth now. Don’t wait to get married and hope that your spouse will solve your problems…Become the best version of who God wants you to be.’ ”
You can listen to the full episode “Do Single People Need to Get Married,” Conversations with John & Lisa Bevere HERE.