A few short years ago, my mom passed away from stage-four gastric cancer. Thanks be to God for helping me find a place of peace regarding her passing because Lord knows there was a time when I could barely share those words without breaking down in tears. In fact, I’ve shared many candid, transparent thoughts and feelings, via LightWorkers, regarding her death, and all paths lead to the Lord.
On any given day, I find myself analyzing my emotions and the grieving process as a whole. The truth is, the grieving process never ends. We only try to find new, healthy ways to press on and cope. As I’ve re-examined my feelings, I realized a common dominator regarding the positive thoughts and comforting words people tend to share regarding my mom, the most common thought being “she’s looking down on you.”
As much as I want to believe that my mom is “looking down on me,” I can’t help but wonder if that’s true.
Is my mom looking down on me?
Can she see me?
Does she know what’s going on in my life?
Part of me wants to believe she is looking down on me because that thought brings me comfort, but the truth is, we will never know what happens after a loved one passes. We can speculate and assume, but we don’t know.
One thing is for sure, though—Despite our speculation and unanswered questions, we serve a God that loves us so much that He allows us to feel a sense of something we once knew, whether a reminder or a sign, and those signs and reminders fill my spirit with the love of my mom. One sign, in particular, stays on my heart and mind, and I know that God orchestrated this moment especially for me:
A few days after my mom died, my husband went fishing on the dock outside of my mother’s home in Florida. This wasn’t my husband’s first time fishing on her dock. In fact, the summer before my mom passed away, he spent hours upon hours trying to catch a fish, and for months on end, he never caught a thing. My mom would joke with him and say, “If it were up to you to catch our dinner, we would starve,” and they would both laugh so hard. Well, three days after my mom died, my husband caught his first fish. He sprinted off the dock and frantically waved at me as I sat on the patio.
“Laci, I caught a fish!” he excitedly screamed, and right before he let the fish back into the water, my eyes welled with happy tears because I knew this moment was a reminder of my sweet mama.
You see, I don’t believe in coincidences. We serve a God who knows everything, from the number of hairs on our head to the grains of sand on every beach. So, to think that something can’t be explained or is merely an accident is not something I agree with or advocate. God is so loving and so gracious that He purposely allows us to not only experience our deceased loved ones but also be lovingly reminded that He will never stop caring about us. Whether my mom is watching over me is yet to be proven, but until we meet again, I graciously welcome any and all signs of her from our loving and gracious Father.