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9 Ways to Be a Better Husband

Here are ways that I've learned to serve my wife better—and they have made my marriage even that much more incredible!
Photo by ProWeddingStudio/Shutterstock.com


“Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic—you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.” —Jerry Seinfeld

Some days I wish there was a book—a reference manual on how to be a better husband. Even with 29 years of practice under my belt, there are some days when I still get it wrong.

Saying the wrong things, not recognizing the cues or being unaware of what’s needed all contribute to falling short sometimes. It’s not that I’m trying to be a perfect husband; it’s just that I’m trying to be the best husband I can.

My wife deserves the best of me because I see her trying to give her best every day. I’m not finished working on the things that need my attention so the time we have left is filled with more happiness, friendship and love.

Whether you’re a husband looking to make some improvements or a wife searching for tips to share, I hope these 10 ways to be a better husband can help your marriage grow and last a lifetime, too:

1. Perform one act of kindness every day.

Do something special, something unexpected, like taking care of a household chore your wife doesn’t like doing or bringing her lunch. You can also speak kindness with a thoughtful compliment or by expressing gratitude for who she is.

2. Show more acceptance and less judgment. 

Accept what your wife likes to do on a lazy weekend morning, the time she spends on the telephone catching up with friends and family or the hobbies that fuel her passion. Keep your critical comments quiet, resist the urge to judge and accept your wife’s habits (and quirks) because they make her into the beautiful person you fell in love with.

3. Listen. Really listen.

Be fully present when your wife needs you. Put down your phone or mute the television. Give her your full attention and then open your heart to take in the words she needs you to hear.

4. Celebrate with your wife. 

Cute couple.

Photo by ProWeddingStudio/Shutterstock.com

When she accomplishes an important goal, receives a good review at work or solves a difficult challenge, give your wife the spotlight. Let her know how happy and proud you are of her.

5. Show respect.

The way to showing the greatest amount of respect is by doing the smallest things: keep your promises. Be on time when your wife is expecting you. Honor her boundaries. Offer to do what is hard. And always tell the truth.

6. Let your wife soar.

Encourage your wife to pursue her passions. Give her the space to seek her heart’s desire. Put the wings on her back and let her soar. When you cheer on your wife and inspire her to build a life separate from the life you share together, an amazing thing happens: the life you share becomes even more deeply connected.

Encourage your wife to pursue her passions. Put the wings on her back and let her soar.

7. Take the 30-Day Intimacy Challenge.

If you want more intimacy, then you might need to ask less. Counterintuitive I know, but when you surrender control and let your wife approach you, then the results may end up being more of what you are looking for. Try this approach for 30 days and watch your intimacy improve both in quantity and quality.

8. Find middle ground.

Cute couple walking by the water.

Photo by ProWeddingStudio/Shutterstock.com

Would you rather be right and win the argument, or you would rather by happy? In my marriage, 90% of our arguments can be resolved by finding middle ground. I’ve learned it’s more important to compromise and adjust expectations. The feeling of “winning” an argument is temporary, while the sense of connection by finding a way to solve the problem together lasts much longer.

9. Do the small things.

Yes, flowers on her birthday are nice, but it’s doing a few of the small things on the other days that make your wife feel special, too. Things like giving her the night off from kids and homework, preparing her favorite breakfast or buying tickets to a must-see concert. These things let her know you’re thinking of her on an ordinary Tuesday just as much as on the special-occasion days.