I was recently home and reminded of the fact that my mother still speaks to me like I’m four. Crayons and all. The barrage of comments started: Why aren’t you eating? Wait, why are you eating so much? Are you pregnant? Why aren’t you pregnant? You know, the usual. My mom hasn’t quite let go of the fact that I’m a mother myself and kind of, just kind of, might know how to take care of myself.
But what mother recognizes when her baby is all grown up?
Moms are moms; that’s just what they do. So, these are just five of the 5,000 ways moms still mother us even though we are, in fact moms, ourselves.
1. The Weight Assessment
With my mom it’s always an assessment of how my clothes fit on me. Specifically, my jeans. She actually has a chart of “looseness” where she determines if they’re too tight, then she knows I’ve been eating too much caramel popcorn. If they’re too loose, then she knows I’ve been surviving on one free Patchi chocolate for lunch. And if they’re just right, well… you’d think that would be good, right? But it’s just a greenlight to move on to the next body part or area of my life to weigh up and discuss.
2. The “She will ensure I get all my vitamins”
Photo by Michaeljung/Shutterstock.com
Don’t you love it when moms order for us? It’s the four-year-old treatment, again. I understand this is a reflex after years and years of looking at the kids’ menu or any menu for that matter, and telling the waiter that I want the pasta but in the penne form with cream sauce and a side of fries. It comes without a second thought, but now?
You know what I’m talking about: the deep silent look into your eyes to ask if you’re happy. I even do this one with my toddler.
Well, now it’s just downright embarrassing when we’re in an exciting restaurant and she looks the waiter in the eye and says, “She will be having the salmon for her hair with a side of broccoli because it’s good for her.” Yep, even in a three Michelin-star establishment, my mom can rattle off what part of the body I need nutrients for. Every meal is a personal mission to ensure I’m getting all my vitamins.
3. The “Go to Bed”
There are moms out there who still order grown adult daughters to hit the hay. Mine included. It could be 7 pm for all she cares, but if she thinks you really need a nap, then she’ll voice it. Even after 35 years, this habit of trying to avoid any sort of sleep-deprived tantrum is so deeply rooted that she can’t seem to let it go and ignore my tantrums.
4. The Eyeball Search
Photo by Michaeljung/Shutterstock.com
You know what I’m talking about: the deep silent look into your eyes to ask if you’re happy. I even do this one with my toddler. After a park playdate, I’ll search my kid’s eyeballs to assess if she had fun. Like, really had fun. I need to stop.
This is one habit that is clearly difficult to break. In the midst of trying to assess whether I’m really happy or not, my mom will offer some free advice on what I should be doing for my hair and skin because “hair, skin and nails are the true reflection of someone’s inner self.” Cue gong. If that’s true, then people must think I’m on anti-depressants AND anti-anxiety pills. I’m not. Yet.
5. The Instant Mom Medical Degree
And let’s not forget the other level moms can take it to when their little one gets pregnant with a little one. In comes Doctor Mommy. Somehow she has a copy of Merck’s Medical Dictionary hidden under her bed because any symptom I mention will be researched all night and several options presented to me over breakfast—along with the homeopathic concoction that will be sure to cure me.
The bottom line is that we all roll our eyes at the comments, questions, stares and interrogations and I’m sure my daughter will do the same in a few years. But, can I imagine my life without this invasive questioning and commentary? No, I cannot.
In fact, I would be heartbroken without it. It lets me know my mom still has a part of her heart that’s dedicated to worrying just about me. I wouldn’t give that up for the world and in fact, I make it a point to FaceTime anytime I have a ghastly throaty cough.
‘LADY BIRD:’ A COMING-OF-AGE STORY THAT WILL REMIND YOU TO CALL YOUR MOM MORE
‘Lady Bird’ takes the screen with a coming-of-age story that will tug the heartstrings of the teenager in all of us. Critics are already giving it 100%; here’s why.