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Dear Single Mom: You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Though you may not feel like you are holding everything together, you are doing better than you think you are as a single mother. There will be hard days and joyous days—but know that you are exactly where you need to be.


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There will be days when your child questions their identity, and their questions may hurt you as they search for the reasons behind the absence of a paternal father.

Dear Single Mom,

If no one has told you yet today, let me be the first: you’re doing better than you think you are.

Whatever the situation, whatever the day; no matter why you are doing this on your own, no matter what: you have not failed, and you will not fail.

Maybe there was a father at one point, and he left the picture. Maybe having a child wasn’t anything you wanted, and maybe it wasn’t your choice. Maybe you feel you’ve been dealt a bad hand, and believe you are missing out on something else meant for you.

Let me ease a fraction of your burden: No, you’re not missing out.

Single Mom, you are in a rare place of influence over the human you call your child, and it was no mistake when you were chosen to be the perfect human for this job. There wasn’t an exit you missed, or a place where you should have pulled off and turned around.

No matter how you ended up here, ‘here’ is exactly the place you ought to be.

Son and mom in the kitchen.

You were created in awe and wonder, and the plan for your life hasn’t taken an irredeemable turn. You are seen, heard and have resources available to you that you aren’t even aware of yet.

Your decision to step into the role of a single mom was one of the most courageous things you have ever done, and in the simple act of stepping up to the plate and committing to take on the challenge, you spoke love in volumes that will reverberate through the life of your child long after they’ve left your care.

In choosing to be a mother, your actions illustrated love and communicated a deep sense of worth.

There will be days when your child questions their identity, and their questions may hurt you as they search for the reasons behind the absence of a paternal father.

It’s in those moments of quiet grief that your love will be a steady hand, reaching through the chaos and calming their hearts with the assurance that from the very beginning, they were chosen and delighted in.

Single Mom, you are brave.

There will come a time, if it hasn’t already, when you will tire of hearing those words. You will grow tired of being strong, and will long for relief in the form of being partnered and affirmed, loved and assisted.

And while you deserve all this and more, read and accept these words as truth in the midst of the journey, if you still haven’t yet found what you’re searching for: right now, in this place, you are doing a great job.

When you do microwave dinners for the fourth time this week, you’re doing a good job. When the most you can swing for an outing is a walk around the park, you’re doing a great job. When you wish you could provide a better life but just aren’t there yet, you’re doing a great job and we are proud of you.

No one else could do what you do. Thank you for everything you are.